Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
