I could make wine with my vomit
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
