so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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