Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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