Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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