we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
