That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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