I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
