Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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