I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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