sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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