is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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