At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
