thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
