I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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