just come out here and I will go home with you...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
