After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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