Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.

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  (815): Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single. http://tfl.nu/sipf
  Replies (46) Good night (746) Bad night (4028)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.

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  (202): also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker. http://tfl.nu/m532
  Replies (16) Good night (545) Bad night (2153)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.

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  (919): Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south. http://tfl.nu/bzzh
  Replies (10) Good night (2931) Bad night (715)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him

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  (845): I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him http://tfl.nu/y1pg
  Replies (7) Good night (1050) Bad night (2816)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had

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  (973): we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had http://tfl.nu/lrsc
  Replies (18) Good night (6525) Bad night (582)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  this just has baby written all over it

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  (859): this just has baby written all over it http://tfl.nu/ltui
  Replies (6) Good night (550) Bad night (4178)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

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  (304): I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight http://tfl.nu/2lmk
  Replies (23) Good night (4641) Bad night (1178)
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  (818): View more from California

  Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around

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  (818): Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around http://tfl.nu/awow
  Replies (9) Good night (3542) Bad night (1220)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

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  (201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha
  Replies (10) Good night (5670) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.

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  (417): I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it. http://tfl.nu/weos
  Replies (10) Good night (814) Bad night (4260)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.

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  (407): Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night. http://tfl.nu/ytoh
  Replies (8) Good night (3900) Bad night (698)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.

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  (208): New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry. http://tfl.nu/cesa
  Replies (10) Good night (2610) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing

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  (616): he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing http://tfl.nu/m3tl
  Replies (8) Good night (2167) Bad night (801)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.

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  (203): The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice. http://tfl.nu/qfp9
  Replies (5) Good night (2307) Bad night (569)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby

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  (709): Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby http://tfl.nu/4vtj
  Replies (1) Good night (1031) Bad night (261)

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