If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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