U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?