on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.