why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often