To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?