you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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