if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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