i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
