my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
