whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
