The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
