at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
