Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
