Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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