did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
