I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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