Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
