you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
