I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
being pregnant is like rehab
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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