Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize