thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
