so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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