So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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