you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
