dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
