glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
