tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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