I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
