I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
