I got chris browned last night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
