I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
