I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
