I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Boobs speak an international language.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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