I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
