bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
