Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
