so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
