Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
