Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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