i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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