Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
