Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My life is pants optional.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
