there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
