How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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So squirting runs in the family.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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