no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
