I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
