so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They took my balls.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
