Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
