So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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