does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
