Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
