I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
