last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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