Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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