either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
