i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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