I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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