Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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