i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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